* * *

Dec. 22nd, 2011 01:23 am
taelle: (London)
I finished the first draft of Yuletide story. 4,5 thousand words. Go me. Tomorrow I'll be rereading it and hoping it won't make me want to kill myself. Not sure about betaing, though - oh well, we'll see.

Also, the architectural bureau my sister and her friends organized won a competition for a project of a sign to be put on the highways at the entrance to the city. Good: they need a name even more than they need money.

I am still enjoying reading Contested Will.
taelle: (diary)
The Yuletide story passed the 1000-word mark. This is, I think, less than half.
I am deeply suspicious of it. First, it seems too easy - I sit down to make myself do at least 100 words, and do 300. And it's kind of a simple story. And maybe too fix-it (though that's what the requester seems to want). And I still don't hate it. Obviously it must be crap.

Also, I suspect I'd need if not a canon-beta, then at least a time-period beta, and I am afraid of looking for one, because I am afraid she'd tell me it's all non-autentic crap which has to be taken out, and then I won't have time or ideas to redo stuff.

Woe is me, obviously.

* * *

Nov. 13th, 2011 07:13 am
taelle: (diary)
I wrote today, and quite easily, but it was the beginning of a new story, not any work towards the continuation of the two I already have started. Bad me? Good me? Remains to be seen. And writing is better than not writing in any case.

I also started watching a new anime; since it's only 13 episodes and I am already in the middle of the third, maybe I won't get stuck in something I feel obligated, and not inspired, to finish. I'm getting very tired of all the unfulfilled obligations lately.

... and of the time I'm losing, too. Time, why are you slipping through my fingers? (yes, I am banal)

Somehow today I watched many bits of European musicals. I love Takarazuka to bits, but why aren't they training their actresses to sing properly? Somehow Takarazuka actresses with good voices who aren't as free in using it as they could be make me even sadder than those who are just bad at singing.

* * *

Nov. 5th, 2011 05:40 am
taelle: (books)
I finished the first volume of War and Peace - that famous Austerlitz scene. I don't know - I do get Andrey's fixation on the sky and feeling distanced from everything, I mean, he's in shock, isn't he? But if he's in shock and feeling that everything 'worldly' is too far away, then why would he ponder on the insignificance of Napoleon, battle etc.? These should be too distant and too difficult to concentrate on... I think Tolstoy here had a bit too much hammering us with his message.

... I think I need a break to read something more cheerful. If I only knew what.

Also, did write a couple of pages. Possibly heading into wrong direction (I just see how this conversation would be a mess leading nowhere if I RPed it with someone), but I don't see any other direction for now.

* * *

Nov. 3rd, 2011 04:05 am
taelle: (crafty)
I am having a spontaneous weekend/holiday in the middle of the week (I started early? We're to have that Ridiculous Holiday on Friday). I think I needed that.

... watched Criminal Minds 7.02. Or tried to - skipping bits and turning away in parts. I do not like the theme of injuries to eyes. And acid. *shudders* The episode itself was good, though, mostly all about the victim's family. With lovely grim Hotch. And a cute scene at Rossi's in the end.

Also, some writing. It's really easier once you open a page and tell yourself "Now write". Two pages. Good (for me), and I think I have some ideas for tomorrow.

And I finished that damn bit of sky on the Suzdal cross-stitch. Now only backstitch and all will be ready. I like backstitch.

Since it's better to watch stuff with some mindless bit of needlework, which backstitch isn't, I started a scarf. Very basic knitting, knit-knit-knit all the way, but fancy yarn. I like fancy yarn, it's sort of kind to inexperienced knitters. I still have plans for that shawl, though. Once I grow some brain back (do I ever?)
taelle: (sad)
I hate everybody - especially myself - and feel like a stupid failure. Nothing special, just a bunch of little things (and a headache).

Got an answer to my CV which I don't know how to answer. I mean, really, if your ad is for freelance translators working from home, preferably not from Moscow, why are you writing to people who sent you a CV "We have a vacancy, please come to an interview"? And why would you need to interview a translator anyway? I'm not after an office job, you just have to test my skills. Also, no e-mail, only a phone number - and their company site says it's being rebuilt and has no contact details. And I hate talking business by phone, I don't have the best hearing. And it's all kind of fishy. Maybe I'll just ignore it.

Spent half of the day putting away summer clothes and taking out the winter ones. Or, actually, looking at winter clothes and deciding I am really not up to wearing those and would really like a couple of new sweaters. So I have almost nowhere to put summer clothes. ... I really, really need a skill of throwing out unneeded things. I tried to be good and found three things I am ready to give away/throw out. This is a lot for me. I think I am going to stop at this and pull out some more things next week so as not to stress out. And how stupid it is to be stressed by such things?

Maybe I should go add some stuff to the story I am writing. It does have people who could do with the mood I'm in. Except that today people are starting NaNoWriMo, and I also feel a failure because I am not up for this, and possibly won't ever be up to finish a long story, my stupid fear of writing and all. I keep thinking that I just need to get myself together and do things, only it doesn't quite happen. *ponders the possibility of a character growling and hitting her head against the wall instead of having a talk she needs to have*

... this entry probably has mangled English, too.

* * *

Nov. 1st, 2011 05:29 am
taelle: (rain)
I want to hide from the world (this, of course, is why I post in a public blog, right); no, really. I need the sense of being coccooned - like making a playhouse by putting a blanket over a table, - to pull myself together (this is, of course, where any sane person would ask me what I need to pull myself together _from_). Maybe I _am_ an hypochondriac, I dunno.

I am reading Eric Hobsbawm, which is kinda... different after some postmodernist historian stuff I've been looking at lately. But I hope I do remember stuff. I think with years I have started reading more slowly - though I always wondered whether things stay in my mind. This is one of the reasons I've always kept a diary - to prevent time from sifting through my fingers.

Halloween in Russia is taking strange forms. I am afraid that in a year or two it will be considered polite to give people best wishes for Halloween and to send postcards. Or something. There's already children's events - day events! In local cultural centres!

I started watching the Takarazuka Hamlet - and liking it more than I expected, for all its rock opera glamour (also, eternally amused by female Rosencrantz and by the gravedigger girls who look a bit like the younger version of Macbeth witches).

Still continuing my story - or trying to. Wrote an interlude before a talk which I'm not sure how to do (well, the character planning to have that talk is not sure either, but that does not matter). I am an okay writer on a phrase-and-paragraph level, but story-level... that's what happens when you stick to vignettes.

Also I should go to a dentist.

* * *

Oct. 31st, 2011 04:19 am
taelle: (diary)
Weird, perhaps, but I both believe in myself/life with the childish sense of "nothing really bad can happen to me" and disbelieve that I can reach any goal and amount to anything. Combined, these two convictions leave me in a rather weird place...

Meanwhile I am less rushed towards the end of a job than usual, but I still suck at pacing myself and haven't much brain for anything besides spacing out and dumb websurfing. I did some thinking about the current story, though - I think I need to change POVs. I believe I got everything that the protagonist could give me right now - let a friend of hers tell me how it looks from outside. Maybe. I am not sure I know what I'm doing.

* * *

Oct. 26th, 2011 06:55 am
taelle: (diary)
Apparently my characters are going to have a row. Good for them; not sure whether it's good for me, and whether I will manage to finish this story. I'm surely going to try, though.

Anyway, even though I am up at a not-sensible time, I've been mostly sensible, and finished work fairly early, and did some cross-stitching while listening to the Victorian lectures. The end of that corner of sky is in sight; and I have only one lecture left - I probably will try listening to Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone next, since I'm in such a rereading mood. As for lectures, I'm still rather blah about them - I did need some blank places filled in my knowledge of Victorian England, but I feel like this particular lecture course is a bit too popular, and rehashing a bit too many popular myths. I'll have to find something more serious (also, I want a biography of Gladstone. He's interesting)

In other news, I finally solved the problem of making screencaps, which led to my rewatching random bits of Dream Trail concert and taking caps. I was sort-of-sensible and haven't started to rewatch it all. I love Dream Trail: both pretty and joyful. I am in the need of joy.

* * *

Oct. 1st, 2011 12:17 am
taelle: (Default)
Some dear people have this funny habit. They'd ask me 'What are you writing?', and when I say 'RPF about this and that' they reply with 'Oh, I can't read RPF, I don't like it/can't get into it/whatever'. ... I know you don't like RPF, okay? I've known you for several years and know you're not into it, and I'm not offering, so why? Or is it a clumsy way to say 'I'm sorry I won't be reading your fic'?

And I know why it's annoying to me - I am less and less able to bear repeats, circular arguments, being told things I was already told ten times. I think I'm getting less patient with age.

Anyway, I failed Ladies Big Bang, which is bad because unfinished things/failures depress me, but on the other hand I did get motivated to write at least some stuff, I just got too busy to finish it properly (and bogged down in the structure). I still hope to rework and finish it. And now I am wondering whether to try NaNoWriMo. I have an idea which I like (and some other people like it too), but I fail at plotting novel-length things. I fail at plotting in general, but I still want to try (and I also get annoyed at being told 'oh, if you're good at character studies and bad at plotting, leave the midi and maxi length alone and just write character sketches'. Maybe it's a childish reaction, but... Yeah, and as long as I'm speaking about it, it's also very annoying when you tell someone 'I started to do X which was interesting but had to leave it' and they tell you 'Maybe it's to the best, don't you think it was really not for you?')

Wow, I was going to write about writing, and suddenly I have a lot to say about being annoyed. Anyway, I was thinking that I'll try writing something every day in October, and then we'll see how it goes towards the end of October and whether I dare to try NaNoWriMo. And whether I can make a coherent outline out of my idea. I did once write a novella-sized thingie, even if I do not dare to reread it, so...

Also, I'm going to cross-post to LJ again, in case anyone there is reading, but I swtiched LJ commenting off, because I get a lot of comment spam there and not much else, and spam for comments depresses me a lot. Much more than no comments at all. So, commenting open only on DW (which should be possible through OpenID. I think)

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