* * *

Jan. 27th, 2012 07:08 am
taelle: (books)
I am picky about weather, some people might say: I don't like having above-zero temperatures in winter, it's bad for the nature and makes me suspect spring will be late; and at the same time -14, as it was this morning, is too cold for me. Too cold is when you have to dress for warmth specifically and not for nice clothes. And especially when it's too cold for skirts.

And even without being cold, this was a complicated and not too productive day: I've been staying up late to work and then sleeping late, but this morning I had to meet a friend's train and then spent half of the day with her - after which I fell down to sleep, since I had less than two hours of sleep at night. Which, naturally, led to staying up late again. And trying to do two jobs at once.

Not reading much, mostly watching Takarazuka shows bit by bit in pauses between work. Now I am watching Anna Karenina, and Takarazuka adaptations of Russian classics tend to amuse me (but also I like this Anna - she's more believable to me than many Annas in the ordinary films). I think I should reread Anna Karenina - but I probably should finish War and Peace first.

* * *

Oct. 20th, 2011 03:23 am
taelle: (city)
Why wasn't I provident enough to go and start learning Japanese five years ago? Silly me.

... that was me watching a Takarazuka show together with a very nice person who translated the dialogues to me. Weird feeling, this being able to understand what's going on (and not to guess from gestures and facial expressions. Which, in Takarazuka, are expressive but not _that_ expressive).

In other news, still no writing is happening. The resolution of writing every day is rather hard to follow when you don't feel like writing drabbles and the planning for all the longer stuff is stuck.

And it's getting colder: no sun today, and fairly sharp wind (they say there was first snow in the morning, but I missed it). I still like it: the architecture around where I live is the late 19th-early 20th modern and eclectic commercial housing, with lots of brick industrial buildings, and it's mostly all warm colours (especially the dark red brick - I do love it so). So when the weather is not sunny and everything is greyish, the houses look soft and warm to me, in all their unpreposessing shabbiness.

(My autumn/winter jacket is dark grey - but so wonderfully light! - but I do have a bright scarf. Maybe I will make another: I am so colour-dependent)

* * *

Oct. 9th, 2011 05:07 am
taelle: (sad)
Today my body seems to have decided that I'm having a holiday, and that's it: I got up and worked for less than an hour, and then I climbed back into bed and couldn't get out of it until maybe 4 PM.

After which my evening plans, earlier discarded because of some people being unavailable, suddenly reinstated themselves, and I went to visit some friends, mostly for Takarazuka-themed chatting and much watching of photobooks and oohing and aahing. Well, at least from my side: I firmly approach this fandom from the position of "there are no actresses I dislike, there are just actresses I don't really know". It's more fun for me that way; unfortunately that also makes me a bit tired after a contact with someone who doesn't share this approach.

That is not to say that I didn't have a nice evening; I did. (also, I finally got some DVDs that took their time in coming to me) I am just having a... seasonal increase in introvertedness? Or something. A prolonged contact with the majority of human population leaves me rather tired. Trouble is, I grew into a habit of needing that contact; ten years ago I was rather happy as a fandom lurker, with my books, my music, my fics, etc. I don't think I could return to this - looks like I grew rather too socialized, and it troubles me. I don't like to be dependent on people.

And I did write today, after missing a day. Go me! I'm not sure it will go somewhere, as it's an exploration of the motivations of a character in a long story I'm not even sure I'm writing (and which has no plot, only a group of characters and some basic events they were involved in).

No Tolstoy today, but some of the George Eliot bio. Two things strike me in what I read today (finishing the chapter on Adam Bede): the way people reacted emotionally to a novel - waiting for it excitedly, being unable to leave it, writing letters to the author... rather fannish reaction in a way. And another fandom-related thing - the way George Eliot was sensitive to criticism. It feels like a page out of a discussion on fandom criticism - "you were so harsh to so-and-so's fic, she's thinking about never writing again".

It's raining outside; I'm sorry it's a bit too cold to sleep with an open window - I like the sound of rain.

* * *

Oct. 4th, 2011 03:28 am
taelle: (reading)
Both circumstances and someone's blogpost kept me thinking today about what do you do if someone dear to you has problems. How can you help, if you're not at the same city at the moment, for example. If you can't give practical help and they are not in the mood to be distracted/entertained with random fun/pretty things. If you can only sort of give vague 'I'm here for you' signs. Because, am I here? What am I here for? Very likely those questions don't have answers, but I still feel like a failure.

Among other things, it's related to my eternal worry that there are correct emotional reactions and I don't know them. I know where this is coming from - I am temperamentally very different from the rest of my family, - but when you remember from the age of five that good girls don't react to presents like that (saying "oh, that's cool, thanks" instead of jumping with joy and hugging the giver like you're supposed to), don't greet family members like that, etc., it's rather difficult to keep remembering that there's no One True Way. I mean, what if there _is_ one?

In less introspective/cheerier news, I went to the library today, a month late. In the end I only took out one new book and renewed one book I already had - because the foreign language department had a book sale. And they're going to have more sales because they're clearing up space and clearly I have to go there more often because books! Cheap and unexpected books! I was good and only bought seven books, from P.D.James to Richard Hakluyt, and still I have aching shoulders from carrying all this home. I like biographies, and biographies are heavy... And I need to reorganize my bookshelves. And I don't know when I'm going to read all this. But: BOOKSES!

And I am still at the first chapter of War and Peace, thinking mostly about how I don't like Andrei. And feel sorry for his wife. And for Pierre, somehow.

Also, wrote a ficlet today. Liked it more than the stuff I wrote yesterday. But I circled around my notebook for maybe an hour, spamming Tumblr instead. Oh well, I can do it. I can get through the fear of writing if I keep writing. I know this.

* * *

Oct. 2nd, 2011 03:31 am
taelle: (reading)
Today was itchy and unsettled. Maybe because I awoke to a friend's phone call about her family problems, and kept worrying about it - and checking up with her - all day. And then, maybe not only that - it feels like a transition time. Last year's October was really physically difficult - I had no strength and felt like sleeping all the time; now I only can't get rid of my cough and have a bit too much hair left on my comb each morning. Oh well, time for vitamin shopping, perhaps.

I should get myself together and concentrate more on work - deadline's looming somewhere nearby.

I continue having a complicated relationship with my sewing machine. I was told once that in order to learn and to progress I need to learn to do things badly first, and I swear this particular piece of equipment plans to teach me just that. Oh well, I'll have to figure it out by myself - I'm really bad at taking instruction (I hide when I am planning to try something new, because people _will_ explain and show me how to do things simply and easily).

Also, I've been planning for two years to reread War and Peace, and today I thought - all right, self, the TBR pile will _never_ clear up, and so I climbed onto the piano and took the first volume out of the shelf. ... my, but Tolstoy really does dislike women. Or, to be more precise, the only thing he seems to like women for is animal-type beauty - healthy youth. Then again, I don't know if he really likes _anybody_. But I am slow, I only came to Andrei's arrival - so we'll see (I read this first time at six, and last time... dunno, maybe 17?)

And I bought a tea strainer. I actually wanted to buy a smallish teapot, because I like tea mixes which nobody else in the family likes, so I wanted to be able to prepare them separately. But I could not find the perfect teapot, so I bought the strainer. And a tea mix I once liked in a giftbox and couldn't find by itself for a long time. And I wanted to buy some silly book for distraction but couldn't find any - but I found interesting postcards, a series with the portraits of Russian empresses, and another one combining an old photo and a new photo of various places in Saint Petersburg.

* * *

Sep. 17th, 2011 04:10 am
taelle: (Default)
I think that going out for a couple of errands yesterday made me worse; I spent most of today coughing and sleeping. The possibility of going to Vyborg on Sunday, as we hoped to do, looks even more dubious than before. And my body is really tiresome about being ill; oh well, I hope I don't get a circular cold that I had some years ago - now _that_ almost got me hysterical.

And due to sleeping most of the day I am really behind with everything I had to do. Like, finishing the translation. Or finishing the cross-stitch present for the friend who comes to visit tomorrow. Oh well, hope she forgives me. She probably will, but I will still feel guilty. I am very good at feeling guilty.

So, my major feat for today was vacuuming my room. I have carpet floor and it's tiresome to vacuum, but I try to do it at least once a week - only last weekend I already felt ill, so this time it was extra dirty. But I did it!

Also, bought fanstaff online. Which made me feel better (some more nice things to wait for), but at the same time our postal services tend to make me anxious. And I hope to find no more tempting sales this month - planned buys are one thing, but when you see people selling stuff that was sold out long ago... Really very tempting.

And perhaps I should get some sleep. Or perhaps not - my friend should be here in about three hours.

And I need to find a new avatarmaker site - my old one doesn't work, and I am too bad at Photoshop to do things through it.


taelle: (Default)

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